For #TeamPositive read ‘Altered Concentration’

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I’m clear that I’m piecing myself back together and I’ve realised that the jigsaw is a different to the one I was so familiar with before. There are some new pieces, some missing and the picture that I’m trying to complete keeps changing. I’m also clear that this is also true for others and their ‘repair’ is taking its toll and its time. It’s as if I’m coming round from a long sleep (I wish #memories) and reflecting back on a night of dreams- some of which make sense and others that make no sense at all.

Of course that omnipresent friend of mine- Tammy Tamoxifen and her counterparts, aren’t helping one iota. In fact they are ramming their own bits of the jigsaw in places where they’re not welcome and shouldn’t really fit but they are stubbornly hanging in there, genuinely responsible for a roller coaster of mood swings and as I read this week the very eloquently worded ‘altered concentration’!! A brief incident of ‘Supermarket Rage’ last week confirmed my suspicions that where I felt I was relatively constant mood wise, I’m not. Especially when people can’t be bothered to say ‘Excuse me’.

A permanent provider of cool air has been placed right next to my bed to help with the constant interruption of hot flushes and night sweats and I’ve also booked a course of Acupuncture to see if that might relieve me of this aspect of breast cancer treatments. I need sleep to be nice!

I admit I had a couple of days last week where there were tears and feelings of simply not being able to face the prospect of another 9.5 years on Tamoxifen and the like.

Stupidly I timed the hot flushes and monitored the regularity of them and worked out that if things stay as they are currently I’ll spend 81,900 minutes per year sweating uncomfortably with heart palpitations and a feeling of needing to escape the space I’m in. Not to mention the anxiety when you believe that you smell like all this is happening too.

Erghhh. This sucks.

But I know it’s all to prevent a recurrence and so I should be #TeamPositive about it. But the energy to be that has ebbed away, or possibly floated off on a sea of sweat.

This song really ‘spoke’ to me today and possibly because I “sang” some of the lines to my Mum at the weekend too. I’m not seeking another husband/partner obviously, but if you read the lyrics below you’ll make the connections I’m sure.

Happy Tuesday to you all.

All my friends and lovers, there’s something I’d like to say

If you feel you’ve lost a little faith along the way

If you ever wondered how you came to be here

I need to tell you that you’ve got nothing to fear

There are reasons for the way that this world works

There are reasons I know, sometimes it still hurts

Don’t worry, don’t worry, if you can’t find love in a hurry

Don’t fret, don’t fret, ’cause love’s not giving up yet

It’s hard-won, hard-won, and love doesn’t care what you’ve done

There’s someone here for everyone

Now all my sisters, brothers, all of my sibling’s sons

All my childhood lovers, and others that I’ve run from

There are reasons for the way that this world spins

There are reasons, and if you can’t find your way in

Don’t worry, don’t worry, if you can’t find love in a hurry

Don’t fret, don’t fret, ’cause love’s not giving up yet

It’s hard-won, hard-won, and love doesn’t care what you’ve done

There’s someone here for everyone

And if you’re still waiting for that chance to come your way

Hold on, hold on, hold on

Everyone

Everyone

There are reasons for the way that this world works

There are reasons I know, sometimes it still hurts

Don’t worry, don’t worry, if you can’t find love in a hurry

Don’t fret, don’t fret, ’cause love’s not giving up yet

It’s hard-won, hard-won, and love doesn’t care what you’ve done

There’s someone here for everyone

There’s someone here for everyone

Someone here for everyone

Songwriters

JAMIE LAWSON, TIM ROSS

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13 thoughts on “For #TeamPositive read ‘Altered Concentration’

  1. Ro realise that at times it’s shit! But I love you lots and if you smelt I would tell you!!!! Forever the diplomat .
    Take care, I can put up with monitoring for next 9.5 years!!!
    Love tally xxx

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  2. You are really going through it. I don’t think I can go through another 9 years of Tamoxifen either.. not that it helps x I hope acupuncture helps ease the side effects I know alternative therapies are good – fingers crossed X

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    1. Dee it’s actually comforting to know that others feel the same. It makes me feel less isolated and perhaps I need to keep you in mind at 3am when I often feel that the rest of the world is peacefully sleeping. Appreciate your message and can’t wait for our get together (we can heat up and cool down together)
      X

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      1. Hey, no apologies, you’re right to be upset. That’s what is so great about your blog, you’re with like-minded people who know exactly how you feel xx

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  3. I feel your pain, the acupuncture sorted my Tammy Tamoxifen flushes… so fingers crossed, I am however on session 6 of acupuncture for my new-ish meds and no luck so far… and its soooooo humid today…Arrrggghhhhh.. Yours sweatily, Joy xxxx

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    1. Joy (in sisterly sweatland) thank you!! I’m very hopeful that the acupuncture does give me (and those around me and my washing machine) some relief. Good to hear it worked for you. Good luck with finding something to sort you out currently. Have you looked at the Lady Care thing (bad name😉😉) that Allie has put a link to?

      Your fellow sweaty Betty
      Xx

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